I usually don't write this kind of stuff on my blog, but as I've been thinking about this all morning the only thing I could think of to help is to actually write it down and get it off my chest. Sorry guys! :)
When it comes to my weight, my body image, and my self esteem I didn't used to be very positive. I was very hard on myself and pretty much convinced myself that I didn't date because I was too heavy and not pretty enough. In the past few years my self esteem has become better, thank goodness!!
About 7 weeks ago I started doing Insanity every morning and loved it. In the first 2 weeks I had lost 5 pounds, 2 inches off my waist, 1 inch off my hips, and 1 inch off my arms. Since that weight loss I've been a constant roller coaster. I'm up and then down, up and then down and now I'm back up to the weight I was when I started. I am usually pretty positive when I gain or have a bad day, but today is kicking me in the butt!
I feel like I have to work harder than everyone else to lose even an ounce of weight or get any type of result. I've always felt this way, but even more now that I have PCOS. I am now getting towards the end of Insanity and am at the same place I was at week 1 of Insanity. One of the girls that I'm doing the Insanity Challenge with has gone from a size 22 in pants to a size 12 and from an XXL in shirts to a L. She started the same day I did and will end the same day I am. Yes, I KNOW everybody is different and I shouldn't compare myself, but its so hard to see what amazing results Kristina is having and what little results I am having.
I read something the other day that said weight loss is 70% food and 30% workout. I don't think I eat that bad. I'm very conscious of what I put in my mouth due to how easy it is for me to gain weight. Of course I have my days where all I want is a giant burger, but who doesn't have those days? Since I read that weight loss is 70% what you put in your mouth I've been even more conscious of what I'm eating. I walked over to Trader Joes last week and stocked up my desk with apples, bananas, grapes, almonds, fruit bars, carrots, and anything else healthy that I could get my hands on. Everyday I write down what I eat, I drink at least 2 liters of water, and I make sure if I ever feel like munching, I down water to make sure I'm just not thirsty and if I still have the munchy feeling I eat something that I picked up from Trader Joes and not just a candy bar that my department has all over the place.
Today after hoping on the scale I am beyond frustrated. I am at the exact weight I was when I started Insanity. I have missed the past 2 days, but missing 2 days should not make me gain weight, especially if its only 30% workout. On top of all of this, I had girl from work ask me about my last half marathon. After telling her how much I'm enjoying the races her response was "looking at you, you'd never know you'd be able to do that." I was so speechless I just looked at her, wasn't sure what to say so just said "Ya" and then turned around and walked away. Thank you for your encouraging words! :)
I haven't had a day where my weight or image has effected like this in a long time. Today instead of letting it kick my butt for the rest of the day I'm going to try to remember that I have come a long way from where I used to be and am probably the healthiest I've been in a long time. I'm also going to try to turn this frustration into motivation to work the hardest I've ever worked before and to prove the thoughts in my head wrong!
