Have you ever struggled with something, even though you know everything will work out the way its supposed to? That seems to be the story of my life right now!
About 7 years ago I started having pelvic pain and every doctor I saw ran test after test and couldn't figure anything out. I've had MRIs, CAT scans, ultra sound after ultra sound, surgery, a colonoscopy, and many other tests that all came back negative. Needless to say, all of these procedures put me into major debt, and debt for no answers so I wasn't too happy about it.
Recently my pain has been getting worse and it was getting to the point where I couldn't handle it much longer. I was talking to my cousin about how I needed a doctor, but didn't know of any in the area. She recommended her OBGYN who she loves and who I have officially fallen in love with! :) I saw him a few weeks ago and after talking to him about my pain and telling him all the procedures I've been through he decided to put me on birth control to help with the pain. He then told me he wanted me to come back a few days later for an ultra sound. In my head I was thinking, great, another ultra sound for me to pay for and for him to come back and tell me they couldn't find anything.
The day of the ultra sound came and I was praying for answers. I've been in pain for so many years and I was pretty much sick of it! The ultra sound tech who I had was awesome! She was so sweet and explained everything that she doing during the ultra sound. At the end of the ultra sound she hadn't said anything about what she found or hadn't found so I asked her about it. She told me that she think she found something, but she wouldn't tell me what. She said that the doctor had to look at the results and be the one to call me.
The next day was the longest day of my life. Did she find something bad? Is it something that's going to affect the rest of my life? Something that can be easily taken care of? Will I finally have an answer after all of these years? The answer is YES!! The doctor did find something and after all of these years I do have an answer.
The doctor called me while I was in Walmart so I couldn't hear a whole lot. I caught what I had, something about getting insulin shots when I was trying to get pregnant, and to make sure I started taking my birth control that next week. I ran back to work and looked up what I had. I have whats called PCOS (Polysystic Ovary Syndrome). As I sat at work reading everything about my condition there are some symptoms that I don't have and there are ones that answered some of my questions I've been having of the last few years. As I kept reading, I saw that this condition is the leading condition for infertility and miscarriages. Right there at my desk, I broke into tears. This is why my doctor stated that when I want to start trying to get pregnant they I will have to start taking insulin shots.
All my life all I've ever wanted is to get married, have children and be a stay at home mom, if possible. Reading about how PCOS could possibly not let me bear children was the worst news I think I've ever gotten! After my little breakdown at work all I could think about is that things will work out the way they are supposed to and everything will be ok. That night I was at our monthly Girls Night Out dinner and as I was telling everyone that I finally had answers I couldn't help but cry when I told them there is a chance that I will have to deal with infertility issues.
That night when I got home, the first thing I did was read my
Patriarchal Blessing to put my mind at ease. My blessing does state that I will have the opportunity to experience motherhood. I don't know if I will be able to bear my own children or if I will have to adopt, but again, I know things will work out the way they are supposed to. Even though I do know this, and I will love my children no matter how the come into my life, I still have little moments when I struggle.