Life's Paths

When I was 17/18 years old, I totally had my life planned out. I was going to finish high school, start college, marry the man of my dreams after he returned from his mission, so around 21, work as a special education teacher, I would start having kids around 22 or 23 and then be a stay at home mom and raise my children and possibly to photography on the side. Well, as we all know, that's not exactly how my life has played out. Actually, that's no where close to how my life has been.

Utah was a place where I said I would never in my life live. I love California too much, I LOVE being close to my family, I have amazing friends there, the beach is just minutes away from where I live, and Utah Mormons are weird! (No offense to all you out there, that's just what I had in my head when I was younger) When my friend Heather told me we were moving to Utah, I looked at her like she was on some kind of drug and told her there was no way I was moving. Little did I know at the time, Utah was one of my paths in life. As much as I didn't want to move and as much as I tried to ignore the feelings that I was having I knew Utah is where I needed to be. As we all know, here I am in Utah 5 years later and sometimes still wonder why the heck I'm here. Utah has been a good place for me as much as I wouldn't like to admit it. There for sure have been some challenges, but I've grown up a lot, I've made some amazing friends, and I have learned many of life's lessons up here. I still have NO idea why I had the feeling that moving to Utah was the right thing for me to do, but I had the feeling that I couldn't ignore and that's why I'm here!

I currently work for an environmental consultant company, which is no where close and has nothing to do with special education. This is just another path in my life that I didn't know was there. Work has been a challenge for me lately. I have recently changed positions from the program coordinator to something that, at first, we couldn't think of a title for. I was walking into a meeting and the Managing Principal of my office comes running (literally) up to me and tells me she needs to talk to me before I go into the meeting. She tells me that she would like to take more of my time and to basically have me as an assistant and that some of my job responsibilities would be given to someone else. Also, she would like me to start helping with proposals for the office. In my head I was thinking, great! The MP of the company trusts me enough to have me as her assistant and to give me some of the responsibilities of doing proposals, PLUS I get to give away a few things of what I'm doing now and things are great. After this talk with the MP, I walk into the meeting to hear my job position as open and anyone could apply for it. WHAT?!?!?! I thought I was just giving up a few of my responsibilities, not my whole job. So what am I now? Are they trying to get rid of me by phasing me out? What is going on? At this point, I'm not too happy about what has just happened. After a few weeks of meetings and work reassuring me that I'm too valuable to loose things are getting better and I'm starting to enjoy my new position. Yet again, something not on MY path, even as a few months ago.

I am turning 27 in 2 1/2 weeks and I don't date, which means I'm no where close to getting married. My Bishops wife tells me tonight ,that I am the most known person in the Ward (which I disagree with, but that's besides the point) and that she always hears that I'm everybodys "best bud" so why am I not dating? I told her if my life was the way that I had "planned" when I was younger, I wouldn't be having this problem because I'd be married and having kids right now. She just giggled and told me that there is someone out there for me, which of course, I hear all the time. Its not a bad thing to hear, don't get me wrong, I just hear it a lot. Utah is a hard place to live when you are a 27 year old female. Most of the guys my age are married and if they are not, they do live in Provo, where there are over 65,000 students. There's a lot of competition around here :)

So are we seeing the pattern yet? :) Life doesn't always take you the way you think its going to go. I have always realized this, but have never struggled with it as much I have been lately. I couldn't tell you why this has been on my mind so much and why I've been having a hard time with it lately, but I have. Why am I almost 27 and not married? Why the heck do I live in Utah? Why was taking the job that I have now on my path? Am I struggling because its time to start a new path in my life? There is a reason my life has taken me the direction that it has. I know someday I'll look back and realize why exactly my life has played out like it has, but sometimes I just wonder, WHY?